Essexia doesn’t exist, say MPs

Greater Danbury – The Leader of the Opposition, General Jack of the Most Noble Order of the Commonwealth of Essexia (KG) FC, Imperial Essexian Navy, Lord of Morrissia, Frigate Captain of the Imperial Navy of Millania (F.A.R. Granada Nicosi), Acting Detective of the National Investigative Service, Order of the Blue Lotus Second Class of the Republic of Yu-Xia, Member of the Noble and Illustrious Order of Saint Marinus of the Commonwealth of New Virginia, Most Noble Order of the Crown of Vishwamitra, and Emperor Adviser to the Emperor and Government of Essexia, today released a statement along with the First Minister (Sir Isaac Newton) and the Supreme Judge (the Honhonhonourable Jacob).

Image from the Cross-Bane Transporter (CBT) that appeared at Les Paddocks following the discovery that Essexia does not exist. Source: Tomorrow.

“After a thorough and extremely exhausting review of the Constituon (in addition to all previous Constitutions)”, the statement began, “myself, First Minister @Rt Hon. Newton and Supreme Judge @The Honourable Jacob have come to realise that Essexia quite simply doesn’t exist. We were wrong to lie to you, we didn’t realise ourselves. That is why after today, the 1st April, we will be cancelling Essexia. Thank you.”

The statement was met with widespread nothingness, because Essexia does not exist and neither do any of the citizens. In fact, following the announcement, a Cross-Bane Transporter appeared in the Emperor Terry wing of Les Paddocks which destroyed all evidence (and legal tax records) of Essexia. There is no Essexia.

Despite this, however, Čechsexia does exist. It’s doing fine. But it’s still not as good as Essexia, which (again) does not exist. Do not come looking for it.

We reached out to the Rt. Hon Jack MP for a statement, who noted that he will “probably start another Federation, if I can find somewhere now that Essexia doesn’t exist and never has.”

Experts say Essexia will likely come back into existence tomorrow.

Jack is the Chair of the Federal Unified Micronational, and is standing behind you.

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