Emperor Terry calls Boris Johnson a ‘lying toe-rag’

Emperor Terry calls Boris Johnson a ‘lying toe-rag’

Today, the Essexian Post brings you an exclusive interview with our glorious Emperor, Terry. We sat down with him over a call, due to the coronavirus lockdown in Essexia preventing our scheduled interview in person. We asked him some of our readers’ most pressing questions, and here’s what he had to say;

What is your favourite TV show?

It’s got to be NCIS, there’s a lot of episodes, and I respect that in a show.

The Essexian Post can exclusively also reveal that Terry has an attraction to NCIS’ Wilmer Valderrama, who plays Nick Torres;

He’s just such a hunk, I love him so much. His acting is perfect. I find myself glued to anything he is in. glued to him, mainly.

What do you think about the damning allegations from the Weekly Reader that you have a Pokimane addiction?

It is simply a falsehood. Not only am I not into females, but Pokimane is a snake, and I do not like snakes. I don’t wish to comment further.

Do you also share the view that Lord Jack was the wrong choice for Essexia’s Sexiest Politician 2019?

Lord Jack, voted the Sexiest Essexian Politician in 2019

Absolutely not. he was the choice of the people, and I think that the people had the right tastes in choosing him. He is a hunky man. Having said that, I think all the other candidates, such as Lord Finn and Minister Cracky, were equally deserving of the title. I think they are all hot, and I would smash.

The Essexian Post can also exclusively reveal that the Emperor thinks the United Kingdom’s handling of Coronavirus has been ‘shambolic,’ in what is a rare glimpse into his international views;

The UK has handled COVID shambolically. Boris Johnson is a waste of space, and a lying toe-rag. He has endangered the lives of the many Essexian citizens who hold dual nationality in the UK, and for that, I will not stand idly by, even if I do breach protocol. Essexia has the best method for stopping the spread, that is, we imposed the lock-down, and will not lift it until the last case has been declared COVID free. That is the way the UK should have approached it too.

The Essexian Post Royal Correspondent thanked the Emperor for his time, and ended the interview there.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *