Warning: This post is satire. There are currently no invasions of the United States…that China are willing to admit.
Boca Chica, Texas, US – At around 10:30 AM EST (14:30 UTC), the United States became ground zero for a genocidal rampage the world has never seen before. The invasion of approximately 14 city-sized levitating machines not of human design was document early on by such reputable sources as Fox News, CNN and a 14-year-old’s iPhone 5S. Although these foreign aggressors have expressed absolutely no messages, and appear to be extraterrestrial in origin, experts are already questioning whether they are linked to China.
Of course, it wouldn’t come as a surprise – Communist authoritarian dictatorships have been pulling this card since the beginnings of the ‘movement’. From Russia’s T-34 to Vietnamese Spider Holes and French folding chairs, Communist self-proclaimed ‘nations’ have built ingenious contraptions to thwart America’s superiority. And if these slaughter ships are following suit, then America will have no problem dealing them swiftly and destructively.
The likely-confirmed Chinese alien ships have put yet another bullet in President Donald J. Trump’s hole-ridden coffin, as he struggles on for reelection this November. Biden was quick to criticise the incumbent President on twitter, by expressing his opinions that “These unknown entities can only be a sign that @realDonaldTrump’s tax-cuts for the upper 20% was unconstitutional. #Taxgate”.
Xi Jinping has yet to release a statement on the invasion of the United States, which Essexian analysts have already contributed to signs of deranged psychopathy. But ultimately, the question on everyone’s minds is, will their dogs survive?
Jack is a British citizen, and a previous First Minister of Essexia.